My perception of love has been blasted open in recent months. I have a beautiful, communicative, supportive, nourishing long-term relationship, complete with the millennial trappings of world travel, international moves, multiple university degrees, seemingly perpetual job-uncertainty and existential climate fear. In this chaotic world we have created an oasis together that sustains us and acts as an unshakable foundation to springboard off into exciting, wild opportunities. I feel eternally grateful.
Each facet of my life deserves its time under a critical, research-focused microscope, in pursuit of uncovering and interrogating the values by which I live. This matters to me on a deep level. I want to be an embodiment of my values. I want to be a living, breathing exemplar of what I believe and hold dear, and who knows, maybe some part of that will resonate with others. In that spirit, I have recently turned my critical thinking to something that flew under the radar for a surprising and kind of embarrassing portion of my life: monogamy.
For whatever reason – being brought up in a progressive yet traditionally nuclear family, being surrounded by excellent monogamous role models, being nurtured by a system that seemed wholesome and good – I never questioned monogamy or considered its structure in any way restrictive or unhealthy. Not only did I not question it, I didn’t see it. It was utterly invisible to me, a framework I had unknowingly, unconsciously chosen. And for a long, long time, it was wonderful. Then I met someone whose very existence challenged that dormant paradigm. And my life went topsy-turvy. The intensity of this new connection forced me to look monogamy in the face and inspect every lovingly arranged layer of what I knew, what I had always presumed to know. How could something so profound, so wholly unlikely, so spectacular, not deserve to exist, to breathe and grow and flourish? What is life for, if not for exploring such life-altering connections? In what universe could I forgive myself for not diving head and heart first into it?
I had made my choice before I realised. Because who I am, at my core, is someone who wants to connect deeply with other humans. I find the meeting of minds and emotions and experience and ideas and beliefs an intoxicating and potent soup that nourishes the most essential parts of me. It is my inspiration for music, poetry, words, art. It is my energy and my muse. I truly think it is the most beautiful thing we can do in our fleeting time on this planet.
And so I find myself crossing a visceral threshold into a new world. One that feels full of possibilities, where each new encounter is an opportunity to delve into some new and magical chemistry, and trust that the flavour of it will be as rich or subtle as it organically should be. Being able to let relationships go wherever they want, like a wandering, blossoming vine growing towards the sunlight.